Like so many people I have invested in several flatpack items. They have included a computer desk, a wardrobe, a complete set of table and chairs, a metal garden seat, a set of garden trellis frameworks, two metal raised beds and recently a set of shelves and a garden trolley. Looking back I realise that this is quite a collection of items, arriving in a mass of packing material and hundreds of unidentifiable bits.

Each purchase has brought its own challenge. There are two predominant issues that have confronted me in dealing with the assembly of the millions of pieces. The first and most obvious is my lack of patience. On more than one occasion agricultural language has been a big part of my construction efforts. The second problem concerns instruction leaflets or the lack of them. The garden trolley came with minute pictures and no written instructions. What should have taken but a little time to complete took many failed attempts before it was working. It was a necessary replacement for my faithful wheelbarrow that I have used since 1973.

In contrast others items that at first look as if they could be difficult turned out to fairly straightforward. A set of shelves when unpacked presented lots of odd-shaped pieces of metal. However, with clear photos and instructions it came together far quicker than I had anticipated.

To the untrained DIY person there is much satisfaction to be gained when you finally put together what at first looks like a complex jigsaw puzzle. What is most useful is when the pack includes spare nuts and bolts since the odd one is sure to go missing amongst the muddled working area.

It has been inevitable that on several occasions in my haste to complete the task I have failed to read instructions properly in my rush to finish. This has frequently resulted in tiresome undoing of work to start all over again. ‘More haste less speed’ is clearly the way forward.

What never helps mid construction is when a voice behind you says “I told you so”. What causes most friction at these times is my failure to secure a proper clear space to begin work. The working area ends up resembling a bomb site with bits scattered everywhere. This has led to some unfortunate incidents. A bottle of wine got dislodged from a rack and broke all over the floor. A much-prized ceramic tile mysteriously got broken beyond repair. The side panel of a chest freezer somehow lost a few pieces. Such chaos has not been welcome by the boss lady.

I am sure I am not the only one who is a flatpack novice nightmare. As time marches on I am praying that my flatpack days are coming to an end. This is a view clearly shared by my long-suffering wife. To all those struggling like me, you have my sympathy.

Never again, I say – but nothing is certain!